This Saturday is Pride in London and there are similar events
coinciding across the world. What is Pride all about? It started
out as Gay Liberation or Gay Freedom and was focussed on the
struggle for human rights. Historically it was celebratory AND
serious; participants remembered the Stonewall Riots, friends
they'd lost to AIDS and the victims of homophobic assaults, all
whilst kitted out in the cocktail of colours that have come to
symbolise Pride. These marches and the vocal opposition to
inequality were a huge catalyst towards legislative change and
increased visibility for LGBT people.
To many young people in 2011, it's an opportunity to be
cushioned in a bubble of acceptance for a day, to drink a few too
many over-priced lagers and head home with tired feet and a touch
of sunburn. For some, it will be the first time they have been in
the majority instead of feeling like the odd one out, and
especially for visitors from smaller towns, this is a much needed
confidence boost. However, some older LGBT people feel that without
the protests and campaigning focus, Pride has become a rather empty
display of apparent 'LGBT culture' - a culture which resonates
little with many people's day-to-day lives. In this country at
least, we're in a somewhat transitional period between having to
force legislative and cultural change into a homophobic world, and
having 100%, unblinking acceptance in society. Life for LGBT people
is so much better, but we're not there yet. So how do we now make
Pride more than just a day of checking each other out from behind
our Ray Bans?
The dictionary definition of 'pride' is a feeling of
satisfaction derived from one's own or another's
achievements. A young person asked me recently if I was proud
of being gay. I said no. I'm not ashamed of it, but I'm not proud
if it, any more than I'm proud of having a double-jointed thumb.
I'm proud of the way I have dealt with other
people's reactions to my sexuality, or that I have been
through some challenging situations with students, colleagues,
family and friends who have struggled with it, but I'm not proud of
my sexual orientation as a characteristic. It would just seem
weird. I didn't achieve anything just by being gay. However, I
am proud that I am trying to make a difference for LGBT young
people by founding Diversity Role Models. I'm proud of some of my
sporting achievements. I'm proud of the longevity of many of my
friendships and unrelated to me, the achievements and wonderful
characters of my friends and family.
My mother was my role model. She certainly wasn't a 'diversity
role model' but she was an incredible example as a mother. She died
when I was still a teenager and I had only just announced my
sapphic ways to her. She struggled as any mother would - she had no
gay friends, never had any education around different relationships
and ultimately wanted the happiest and most successful life
possible for her only daughter - a concept incompatible with 'the
gay lifestyle'. In the few months we had between me telling her,
and her death, we went through the usual stages of defensiveness
and lack of comprehension. Both of us. Me being 'one of those' made
little sense to me either. However, regardless of how confused my
mother felt, as she lay dying, she held my hand, looked into my
eyes and told me how proud she was of me for being who I am. Her
sense of pride gave me the freedom to imagine that had she lived,
we would've made our peace, gossiped on the phone about our
irritating partners and perhaps she would even have joined me in a
DRM t shirt at Pride this weekend.
Being a lesbian is not who I am, but having a sense of dignity
about my place in the world, irrespective of my sexual orientation,
is a big part of who I am. Making sure
that everybody is allowed the same opportunity
to feel dignity is also part of who I am. Some people are driven to
save the environment, some to be incredible parents, some to
express their artistic or sporting talents and some are good souls
who make our lives a little lighter simply by smiling at us on the
street on a dark winter's day. It's impossible to be a role model
for everything, for everybody and at all times. And we can't feel
pride in ourselves for every decision we've ever made. However,
this Saturday, as a sign of respect towards the people that
have fought for our civil and human rights, give a thought to what
you are doing to make the world a slightly better place. And be
proud!