Just over a year ago, I met a soon-to-be ex teacher to discuss a
play I was writing. The play is still in development, the teacher
went on to set up Diversity Role Models. One year on the charity is
proving a vital resource to schools, teachers and young people, and
last night won Community Group of the Year award at the Attitude
Awards.
I was asked to be a Patron when the charity was still being
formed and immediately said yes. I would do anything I could to
help young people, young gay people from being bullied in schools.
I was bullied at school, the back of my seat kicked by a girl who
would later turn out to be a good friend - and then not. I was
bullied because I was born in India, even though I am not Indian. I
was called names and was a bit of a loner at school and always the
outsider. I have some knowledge of what it feels like to be
bullied, other, not like everyone else, but my experience did not
damage me.
Being a patron of DRM, having my smiley picture up on their
website, wasn't enough for me, I wanted to be more actively
involved. Yesterday was my first day workshopping as a role model
in a school with year tens - that's 14-15 year olds. I hadn't been
in a school since I left my secondary modern aged 17 with three
O-levels and an unsure future ahead of me. I was, of course,
nervous. I hadn't prepared my five-minute talk about myself. I'm
quite adept at talking about myself, being spontaneous and winging
it usually works for me, I was confident it would again. My
facilitator and my co role model couldn't have been warmer,
couldn't have taken care of me any more than they did. When I drove
up and parked, a uniform of school kids (what is the collective
noun for school kids?) swarmed around me and I was transported back
to my school in the 70s, and I was suddenly nervous, because I know
how hurtful kids can be.
Here's how it works. Our facilitator talks about the charity,
why it was set up, and what our aims are for the workshop. Students
are given a series of exercises, asked what their idea of a gay man
and a lesbian are - the responses mostly were, tight trousers, high
pitched voices and acting effeminate for the gay men, having short
hair, looking boyish and eyebrow piercings for the lesbians. When
my fellow role model and I ticked none of the boxes, jaws dropped,
you're gay, you're a lesbian, no way. And so the workshop
continued. I enjoy being stared at, I like it when people
compliment my choice in handbags - even more so when it is a class
of teenagers who earlier on, would have thought they had nothing in
common with me, a gay woman, who they thought was in no way
possible, gay. It makes me smile. My fellow role model had an
American accent and immediately won over the kids - American is
best! But not only that, he is gay and black - and most of the
black kids in the class had never met a black man who was gay. And
that is world-changing. I think he became a hero for lots of kids
yesterday.
During the workshops we had the chance to talk to some of the
kids, and answer questions, how did we know we were gay, did we
want kids (when I said I miscarried there was a palpable sigh), and
part of the workshop consisted of group discussions, which we
joined. I met a young boy whose uncle was gay. I asked if his uncle
had been civilly partnered, he said, no he's married. Touché. He
was cool about it all. Another girl told my fellow role model that
she had a gay brother, I asked if she wanted to fix him up with the
role model - she smiled. Alarmingly, a girl from a very religious
family, told me she could never tell her parents she was gay, that
if she was gay she'd either have to kill herself or be exorcised.
She was adamant. I was sad.
And each class was as different as it was similar. Teachers sat
in, watched, listened. My talk changed a little with each new
outing. I felt responsible and privileged and very proud because
not all teenagers are the same, they taught me a lot about myself,
they taught me that mostly they are not given credit for the good,
for the positive, just for the negative. Just like all gay people
are not the same, all teenagers are not the same. I've met some
astonishing teenagers, not least of all those I am related to and
their friends. Now that circle has widened.
Five classes later, each lasting 50 mins, with a generous lunch
in between, I drove home confirming what I already knew, that
dialogue is always best, that talking and discussing and meeting
people makes the difference, that change is possible, because the
day we think it isn't, we might as well all hold hands and jump
into a hole
I can't wait for my next workshops, I'm sure they will be
different, perhaps not so enlightened or so easy. But I would
rather try and make change happen than complain and do nothing. We
all need role models, whether we're fourteen, forty-four or
sixty-four. We all need people we can look up to, identify with,
trust, whether they're just like doesn't really matter, but often
it can help. I didn't have many gay women role models growing up,
so it's vital that I be that person for the younger generation.
Imagine if all the parents of all the school children attended such
workshops - imagine. If I've made one person think differently
about what it's like to be gay, or what gay people are like, or
perhaps make them think about gay kids in their school and how they
may have behaved towards them, then I've done my job and I've got
Diversity Role Models to thank for that.