My world may seem very different from yours, but I grew up in a
council estate not unlike those I walked past on the way from the
tube, and I went to a school not too different from this one. It
was a girls State school, where, like yours, we were encouraged to
work hard and to excel. To go on to achieve success, in whatever we
chose to do. Also, to be confident in ourselves and our
achievements, and to try in our own way to make the world a better
and more inclusive place. Your school prospectus says that one of
its aims is "Encouraging students to become responsible global
citizens who make a positive contribution to society" I will come
back to that, but first I want to tell you a little bit more about
me.
It is very un-English to boast, but I really have to tell you
how very happy I am right now. I have a job I love, a fantastic
group of friends, a supportive family, 3 gorgeous nieces, 2 cats,
my own flat, and best of all, I am getting married in October. It
is a civil partnership, legally speaking, but in every real sense
to us, to our families and friends, it is a wedding and we are
getting married.
I am very excited about our wedding - our conversations about
what we'll wear, what our nieces will wear as bridesmaids, who will
give speeches, whether our mums will wear hats, what songs we will
throw ourselves around to at the end of the day.
But most of all, I feel really lucky to have found my future
wife. I have found a girl who loves me; who makes me laugh and who
laughs at me; who is clever and beautiful; who supports me and
encourages me; who puts up with me when I am stressed and tired and
grumpy; who makes me want to achieve more and more to make her
proud of me; who I want to marry, hopefully raise a family with,
and spend my life with.
When I was your age, I probably knew I was gay. I didn't admit
it, even to myself, but I knew. I still had boyfriends, quite a few
of them. They were nice, but just wasn't that bothered about them.
I really only went out with them because that was what everyone
else was doing, and I wanted to fit in. I was really scared that
anyone would think that I was different. It was a girls school,
where there is always a lot of pressure to fit in, to do well, to
be liked. And I was scared my friends would think I fancied them or
would look at them in the changing rooms; and that my mum would be
disappointed that I wasn't how she expected - and wanted - me to
be. I had a nagging sense of fear - that I would never be happy;
that no one would like me if I was gay and they know; that I
wouldn't find someone to love me; that I wouldn't have children and
have a happy life.
I was 19 when I had my first girlfriend. It took several years,
telling people gradually, for me to feel genuinely comfortable with
myself. Now, everyone knows that I am gay: my 88 year old grandad;
my colleagues; my bosses; even my clients. It isn't always easy,
and, unlike race or religion, which can be more obvious when you
first meet people, your sexuality is something you can chose to be
discrete about if you want to. I try really hard not to be scared -
of negative reactions, of bigotry and ignorance. I chose to come
out in all new situations. I believe it is important to show the
world that gay people are normal people, and nothing more. We want
the same things, and we feel the same things as everyone else. I
was really scary to think about coming to talk to you today, but I
did it for the same reason. We may not be that visible, but we are
here. You probably have gay teachers, you may have gay family
members or friends, you may be gay yourselves. You may know it, and
you may not.
I want to leave you with one last thought. You are in a position
of great opportunity and responsibility. The world over, women play
a huge part in shaping society and changing it for future
generations. You have your whole lives ahead of you. You are the
young women of the future and you have the opportunity to become
anyone you want to be: teachers, lawyers, mothers, rocket
scientists! Whether you realise it or not, the way you think and
behave influences people, your friends, your parents, your future
partners, even your own children someday. Whatever you do, please,
will you keep in mind your school's aspirations of you, including
to " become responsible global citizens who make a positive
contribution to society". That society includes gay people, who are
not to be afraid of, or mocked, or hated, or treated differently
just by virtue of the fact that they love people of the same
gender.